Monday, October 23, 2006

Pre-departure & Departure



Oct. 10th, 2006

Pre-departure
It was almost disastrous before I left. Not wanting to push everything until the last minute, I purposely started packing the day before. However, it still turned out to be the same scene like any other time – squeezing the last item into the suitcase while thinking about the possibilities of missing the plane. And earlier in the day, it was not lack of the argument between Mark and me – he blamed me of not being able to handle pressure and I blamed him of not supporting me enough. Well, now looking back, I think I did have a lot of pressures on me from different sources and I had various feelings all at once – nervous, scared, curious, sad, tired, trying to get things settled for the next six months both in Canada and in Windhoek… It felt even more overwhelming than after I actually departed. As I said, being unknown is a very scary thing. I finally ended up crying two hours before my departure in the car, it was just too much.

Departure
I felt sad before passing the security, thinking about the long time to separate me and Mark. Getting so used to be together as a little family, I felt sad to leave my little niche and go for something so known and somewhat adventurous, especially at an age when I do not really want to explore and just want to settle down, although not long ago I was complaining about the dishwashing and telling Mark that I was happy to leave because I could be away from the mundane work. Mark was cool at the airport, as cool as cucumber, as always. This is Mark for you: he didn’t want me to leave, however, when this decision was finalized, he would support me and handle the situation in a ‘cool’ way. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I love about him, although sometimes I do demand him to be more ‘hyper’ and emotional.

Called mom and sister at the airport, didn’t actually get chance to do this earlier. I knew it would be quite expensive to call from Africa, so I must talk to them before I left. My family have always been very supportive and encouraging for what I decide to do. I love my family and hope I can give back what they have been giving me soon.

No comments: